Dec 22, 2009 Whine Post Failed IVF

Twas the morning after the negative BETA and all through the house, not a creature was stirring,

Except for me.

With a wonderful 4 year old snuggled beside me,

And a computer in my lap,

A heating pad on my belly for the 1st time in months.

You hear about radiation, so you keep your computer far from your tummy

But, now I can hold my lap top comfortably.

What else can I do, now that this cycle is over?

I can have a drink. I can drink coffee. I can have sex. I can love my children and relish in them.

I can make plans for the future, whatever it holds.

I wonder how ling until I go back to sleeping through the night?

I can try to eat better, or not eat at all, I can stop worrying about “messing up my cycle”.

Should I try again right away and get my 2nd shot out of the way or should I wait? 

It’s hard to wait, especially with secondary IF, since life keeps on going if you have children already. I mean, will there ever be a time when nothing is going on in my life/our lives?

Dec 21 Beta was negative

The nurse said it could be due to late implantation. I’m not holding my breath. I started spotting a tiny bit.

I still say God is good!

Amen!

I admit I may be in denial.

Monday 12/21/09 The Last Post Before the Beta TRUTH

I have a confession: I feel really sick: nausea and a headache and tired. I’ve felt like this since Saturday. The headache started last night. I’ve been feeling like I’m getting sick, but I’m not-I just feel groggy and severely nauseous, just a little.

I don’t want to completely believe that this means what I hope it does, (because sadly, as a person facing infertility, my body has tricked me before) but never with these exact symptoms. 

But I do feel like these are really strong pregnancy signs – especially because I could have had my BETA yesterday or Sat if it weren’t for the weekend, so there is probably a decent amount of HCG in my blood. 

I’ve got to get this headache kicked and then get in the shower, wash my hair and go.  I have 1 1/2 hours till I need to leave.  I have really curly thick hair, so I may be overly ambitious!

I’m so hopeful!!!!!!!

OT: The clomid my DH is taking is really helping his libido, which is doing wonders for our relationship. 

2WW and My IVF Cycle

How am I handling the 2WW? It’s tough to describe.  That’s why I haven’t blogged much. 

I was feeling pretty strong/detached until Thursday.  Then I was on a birth board for August 2010 babies and all of a sudden, I had to put my head in my hands and try not to cry. My 4 year old was watching me so I had to pull myself together. 

It was at that time I think I realized that this cycle means an awful lot to me and if we didn’t end up pregnant, I’d probably feel as bad as I used to before I realized we had hope through IVF. 

What I’m trying to say is being infertile used to make me sooo very sad, but I haven’t been sad since finding a solution and saving the money to afford the treatment.

My boobs had stopped being sore that day, not sure if that we because the other drugs were out of my system, or because I’ve been wearing soft sports bras to bed and 24 hours per day or because of the unthinkable.

I’ve had some nausea-it’s not severe, though. 

I started crocheting some quilt squares to make a baby blanket (or 2 or 3)

I’m so excited about my beta tomorrow. My appointment is scheduled for 10am.

Sun Dec. 13 4dp4dt

I don’t have much to say… I truly feel it’s in God’s hands and I’m trying to have peace about that. I wanted it in God’s hands (and it always has been) but there’s nothing to do but wait.

I haven’t endured a 2ww for a very long time. Everyday, I check my prior blog post and read what our babies are doing that day. I also review the quotes about faith. I know there’ll be nothing I can do during all of next week. So, there’s no point worrying.

I forgot to put heat on my bottom after the PIO shot last night, so my bum was sore today. In the middle of the day, I put the heating pad on it and sore bum is cured.

Symptoms:
Nausea began yesterday
Heartburn is nearly gone
Some bloating/fullness is still present which curbs my ability to eat a lot, so I have to think ahead and plan my meals to make sure I can fit the veggies in.
I’ve added more water, whole organic milk, pineapple and dark green veggies to my daily diet
I’m just getting back to my regular habits, which got off track during BCP’s and stims. I’m back to craving tofu and limiting sugar-which is my normal. My nipps hurt sooooo badly!-a good sign.
When I take a shower, the water hurts them. I have to wear a bra, since the fabric on them hurts them
I know I’m getting bigger in my middle and my breasts. I’m so glad stretchy pants are in! The nausea doesn’t appear related to meds-a very good sign.
I’m also scatter-brained- a good sign, too! (-;

Dec 10, 2009 1dp4dt

~faith is believing what we do not see and the reward of faith is seeing what we believe~ from an OP online

“I am actually not stressed or anything about our cycle now b/c now its all in God’s hands which is right where I want it and that gives me peace.” Courtesy of Babehopes on FC

4 day transfer: (I did 4 day)

• Wed. 12/9 • 0dpt ..Embryo is growing and developing
• Thurs. 12/10 • 1dpt…Embryo is now a blastocyst
• Fri. 12/11 • 2dpt…Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day
• Sat. 12/12 • 3dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining
• Sun. 12/13 • 4dpt.. Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining
• Mon. 12/14 • 5dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining
• Tues. 12/15 • 6dpt.. Morula is completely inmplanted in the lining and has placenta cells & fetal cells
• Wed. 12/16 • 7dpt…Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood
• Thurs. 12/17 • 8dpt…More HCG is produced as fetus develops
• Fri. 12/18 • 9dpt…More HCG is produced as fetus develops
• Sat. 12/19 • 10dpt…HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on HPT
• Mon. 12/21 Beta #1
• Wed. 12/23 Beta #2

I’ve been trying to stay off my feet, eat well, and take it easy.

Embryo Transfer Dec 9, 2009

I spoke with my RE last night and although he felt comfortable with a 5 day transfer, he respected my concerns and we did the transfer this morning- day 4.

It was crazy getting to the clinic. Last night, my RE asked me if I’d be available for a transfer today. I said yes, but DH went back to work.

I must say I slept better last night than I have since the retreival. I took 3 antacid strips before bed. I think I also allowed myself to take a pain pill. I felt way better when I woke up, but not perfect.

My DD had an orthodontist appointment at 9:20, so after I took DS to school at 8:20, we were in the orthodontist parking lot by about 8:50. My RE and I spoke about emby quality and scheduled me to come in about 10:30am.

I called my MIL (world’s greatest), who already had our 4 year old spending the night, and asked if she could pick up DD from the orthodontist and take her to school. She said ok.

Next, I needed to let DH know what was going on and get a ride. He’s missed so much work the last few weeks helping me with this and other stuff and I couldn’t reach him.

I called my mom and my sis and they weren’t answering their phones. Finally my SIL/BFF said she’d help me. Now, she didn’t have her car, she 6 months preggo and has 3 kids (10, 4 and 6 mos) but she loves me, so she did it.

I picked her up, had her drop me off at the clinic and drank more water than was needed for the ultrasound.

My RE reviewed everything with me, showed me pics of our remaining embies and he used my opinion and the embryologists opinion to determine the best 3 to transfer.

I had to pee so bad that it hurt, so he drained my bladder prior to begining. My RE explained what he was doing. Basically, he threaded a catheter into my uterus and showed me my uterus and the catheter on the tv. He also rinsed out cervical fluid with the culturing solution and patted it dry with a mini-sponge.

He gave me pics of the 4 embabies and the 3 that were transferred. I also have a pic of them in my uterus, circled with a heart.

I had to lay, feet elevated for an hour. About 30 mins into it, I had to pee and I was given a BEDPAN!! I’ve never used one. But the staff explained it to me. Oh I had to pee and pee and pee.

I felt pretty good when I was done. My RE told me don’t worry about my embabies falling out.

We had lunch (I hadn’t eaten all day) and I’ve been laying down all day. I hope to do the same tomorrow and for the next few days.

My bloating, pain had pretty much completely went away (my BFF blamed the valium-HaHa) and I feel good.

I feel a little something (crampy,achy) now, but it’s nothing like the pain I’d been in.

I must add-I am back to pooping! PIO shots and ER make you constipated. And you’re not supposed to push, so I’m so happy. I’ve been eating apple, soy protein and flax smoothies. Today I had milk, pineapple core and flax smoothies. I’ll be eating them daily from here on out. I make ‘em at home with my blendtec.

Tuesday Dec 8, 2009: Day 3 Embaby Report

History:
From the original 10 harvested
9 were “mature”
7 fertilized succesfully

My day 3 report:
4 aren’t progressing )-:
But we have:
2 8 cell grade 1 embryos
2 8 cell grade 2 embryos
1 grade 3 who is struggling

I feel optimistic, though. I can see the value in a day 5 transfer, because even though there’s only a few left, I can see why randomly guessing which ones to put in wouldn’t be good.

I’m still believing to transfer 2-3 good ones and I think that can still happen.

My embryo transfer is scheduled for Thursday, Dec 10 @ 10am

Fertilization Report

Today is Monday, Dec 7. 10 eggs were retreived Saturday. Nurse M left me a detailed message yesterday with my fertilization report. Out of 10, 1 wasn’t mature. 2 didn’t fertilize but still have a shot. 7 did fertilize.

I was on my knees before ER at the clinic praying for God to give us the outcome he wants, and I can see some positive aspects of having 7 embabies. My RE said that with my history of 3 pregnancies and no m/c or difficulties getting preggo in the past, we should have enough. Plus, we did the 2 cycle plan, so we can do this again if needed at no additional cost.

I feel bloated and tender. My lower abdomen hurts. It feels like c-section recovery pain or end of pregnancy prelabor pain. I keep passing gas, though, so I hope/think it’s just gas. I didn’t take the pain medication yesterday, but will today. DH goes back to work. I’ll be hanging out with our 4 year old and having a somewhat “normal” schedule.

I told DH yesterday, “We’re parents- to 7 embabies!” It was exciting and 7 is enough.

I’m so happy, were having new floors put in our house today. When DH moved all of our furniture out of our living room and family room, he unhooked my printer and my wireless internet service. So, I’ll have some practice not being tethered to the computer-which I’m addicted to.

I’ve been thinking I’m doing so well and not in much pain, well yesterday my 10 year old hugged me and it hurt so bad-both my tummy and my boobs. So, I don’t think I’m doing as well as I thought I was.

Now, it’s time to get out of bed and start my day!

December 5th Egg Retreival

Our egg retrieval was today @ 9:15am

I was quite nervous prior to going to the hospital.

DH went in “the room” to do his part.

I went back to the waiting room.

Within a few minutes, the nurse M came to get me. She instructed me to change my clothes except bra and socks and put on a “souveneir” t shirt/gown with the clinic logo. It came to my knees-I’m only 5ft 2in

Nurse M took my vitals-oxygen level, blood pressure (I was so nervous I was afraid it’d be high, but she told me it was very low), my temp (low as always) I asked her if she’d let DH know I need to take it easy, she said yes. We talked about how its hard for women to “rest”, especially with kids. I was trying to be my regular super positive, friendly self-but I couldn’t. I was feeling really nervous. I asked her if I’d see DH again prior and she said yes.

DH finished (-; and came in to see me. We were together for awhile prior to my being asked to walk into the “OR”. They gave me an IV (took 2 pokes due to the no liquids after midnight thing, I should’ve drank more water the day prior) Those pokes hurt, since I was cold and nervous.

I almost walked the wrong way around the table while I was tethered to the IV. Then I sat down, felt dizzy like I was going to pass out– I hadn’t laid down yet. I woke up in the recovery room.

The RE got 10 eggs, which is less than expected. But since I prayed to God for His will to be done, I’m happy. Actually the 20-30 estimate scared me. Now, having only 10 worries me, but for different reasons. My RE said with my history, 10 should be fine. I’m believing God that it’s enough for His will.

They gave me juice and a peanut granola bar before letting me leave.

I got a new calendar. I’m now taking:
-Dexamethasone steroid- been on this
-cipro antibiotic 2x per day
-PNV + DHA – been on this
-pain pills today, probably will take less tomorrow
-cabergoline
-clyndamiacin vag supp antibiotic
-PIO*

* The PIO shot went well. DH is very good at giving me shots!

The progesterone in oil shot was hardly noticable. I’ll know if we did it right tomorrow if I’m not sore. Here’s what we do to make it less painful.
1. Ice my bottom with direct ice for a long time- 15 mins
2. Warm up the heat pacj
3. I warmed the progesterone in oil in the heat pack today
4. I don’t know what DH does back there. I lay on the bed on my tummy and to the side so the cheek he’s injecting is upwards a little. I think he pinches my skin 1st, I dunno?
Ok, I just asked him: he said he pinches my skin, injects straight in, let’s go of the skin, presses the plunger, holds it in after the progesterone is in.
5. I really didn’t feel the needle going in too much at all.
6. Afterwards, I made him rub the injection site for about 10+ mins.
7. I put the heat pack on the spot for about 30 mins- I love HEAT!

So far, so good! I’ll update tomorrow whether I have residual soreness.

Our 4 year old watched us today, just like the day we did the HCG trigger. He’s so sweet, he said, “Mom, I pray God gives us a baby” when I was getting ready for the shot. He also said “I didn’t know Dad was going to stab your butt!”

My symptoms: Gas, sore lower pelvis, sore abdomen, tired, sore boobs, some throbbing pain inside if I get lax on the pain meds, some nausea with the pills, thirst, light spotting down there-very minimal, vivid dreams- I don’t usually remember my dreams,so this is significant to me.